Someday soon it will be cool to be old- really old, almost dead. It will be hip to be wrinkled and age spotted and creviced. Why? because everything that looks perfect will be suspect…. Life, if not experienced through a technological app, is a manipulation– from recording studios to photography, reality is a hologram- a non-truth, a sucker punch- a complete sham. We all know it but we feel we don’t have any choice but to participate. The stakes get higher, the perfection more perfect- more than perfect, unworldly, unreal, distorted, like a Disney cartoon – with the birdies singing in the trees, feathers unruffled, doing a little birdie dance across a tree limb. The birdies on the screen do not age, and they do not die. We all know better…. and soon we will crave the underbelly– the false note, the dull sunset. In order
to prepare for this cultural turn-about, I suggest reverse photoshopping-sound recording, etc. – embracing and enhancing our defects in an effort to get real. Now, excuse me while I make an appointment with a plastic surgeon.
I bought a big fake gawdy diamond ring for 59 dollars yesterday. I am visiting Sarasota, Florida and every woman in the Sarasota YMCA classes are sporting real ones, and my God, they’re huge. They’re so huge, they look fake. They look just like mine except mine, being fake, looks real. I wore it to a class this morning. You see girls? …Somebody rich loves me, too! I wear torn clothes and old sneakers and have unruly hair and wrinkles because I am SO loved that I don’t have to worry about it! I didn’t want this ring, it isn’t really me. As you can see, I don’t like ostentatious— but he gave it to me, so what can I do?! Do we think a rich man’s love is worth more than a poor man’s love? Think about it. Let’s say they both love you equally. Let’s say you love them equally. Is it possible that a rich man’s love is worth more because he probably has more options than a poor man? DOES he have more options or less? Does he fear Gold Diggers and is therefore unable to really trust a woman so in truth has less options? Why am I wearing this fake ring?? What am I communicating to myself? That I would feel more worthy if a rich man loved me? Why might that be? I resent wealthy people. They embarrass me. Well, this ring looks good and it feels good, fake or not.
I can always tell which friends have happy marriages. I am included, not shunned. Invited into their home, an open door policy, I am allowed to watch a football game with the husband while the wife attends to a pot roast. It isn’t that I’m more attractive than other friends…no,for some reason, these wives just don’t trust me…Little do they know that I am revolted by their husbands, even the best looking of the bunch, because they’re husbands. Husbands have never turned me on. Men, in my mind, resemble eunuchs when they become husbands. I have never slept with a married man except my ex-husband, and that was bad enough. One good friend whispered to me once, at a cocktail party, “If you ever touch my husband, I’ll kill you.” I never touched him… but he touched somebody else, so there you have it.